||[Mar. 4th, 2011|12:11 pm]
Things in my life are typically (always) never what I expect, anticipate, desire. Except when I expect the worst. So; if this holds true. . . why am I still surprised when my entire life seems to crumble before my eyes?|
I don't learn quick.
As of Monday; I will be technically jobless. No job, no nest egg, and no sugar daddy. Gulp. The past two days have been rampant with emotions. Fear, fear, terror, depression, excitement, depression, rejection, h.o.p.e, anger.
God, oh my God, why have You forsaken me?! Jesus, I love you, but seriously, your dad sucks.
These are no good Christian thoughts, because I am no good Christian. I wish I knew how to praise Him in the hardest parts, but sometimes, I really do think he's a douche and my whole purpose on earth is to be pooped on.
And then I remember I'm actually the poop and the pooper-oner, and I deserve absolutely n o t h i n g. And then I feel ravished with guilt, more depression, and dismay.
I should read my Bible more, sure, but I don't usually believe those encouraging passages are written to me. They are. They are they are they are. Bind them to your forehead, MELISSA.
Tangent just to say there's two types of people in this world. One who gets fired from a job 2 days before they're supposed to start and think of it as great opportunity to seize their passions in life. Two, the kind who has no freaking idea how to turn any remote passion into something that provides some monetary compensation and freaks the hell out.
I would so rather be a One. duh.